


After All This Time

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, Romance, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:30:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: While in the interrogation room, leviathan!Dean spills some truths about Dean that neither Sam or specially Dean are prepared for.Starting from the episode ‘Slash Fiction’, spoilers for everything leading up to it (just in case), and takes it from there.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

“You two are so wound up in being good, good for humanity, good for each other, good, good, good.” Said the leviathan wearing Dean’s body as he paced before the interrogation table. “Isn’t it tiring, Sam? Always thinking about others, what others want, or need, never about what you want, your desires always taking a second, or third place, huh?” 

 

Sam couldn’t move from the seat, his handcuffed hands prevented him from defending himself from the leviathan’s viciousness. He could tell that the monster was searching for something good, something to mess with Sam’s head before he ate him. All the while, Sam pulled on him handcuffs tighter, he needed to get out of here fast, couldn’t let the leviathan get to him.

 

“I don’t know how you do it, how Dean does it. God, his head is like a carnival ride for a therapist, so much repression, so many regrets, so many wants and desires put aside for the greater good. He is so, so tiring. But, Sammy boy, there is one thing that takes the price…” The leviathan was seated on the table, facing Sam, leaning in as if to tell him a big, earth-shattering secret. 

 

\--

Dean had just severed the Sam-looking leviathan, readjusting his axe on his right hand he went searching for his brother. He heard voices, his own, around the interrogations rooms, so he went that way, not before making a signal to the old man so he would follow him with the keys for the handcuffs. 

 

As he approached the right room, the voice coming louder and clearer, he stopped dead, his face ghostly white. All his worst nightmares came true when he heard himself tell Sam what he swore he’d never, ever, admit to anyone but himself. 

 

“… one thing that will mess you up so bad you’ll be my best dinner to date”. The Dean-looking leviathan smiled in such a sadistic way that Sam knew with absolute certainty that whatever was gonna come out of it’s mouth was not gonna be something pretty. “Your brother, Dean...” The monster continued, with a glint in his eye. “Has been harboring these feelings, for you, his little brother, for so long, Sammy boy, he’s wanted you…” 

 

The leviathans speech was cut short when the real Dean broke the door open with a kick and beheaded him in less than a second, that had to be some kind of record for him, not that he was wondering about his killing technique right now, oh no, Dean was too preoccupied not looking at Sam’s face when he unlocked his handcuffs. They both wore wide-eyed shocked faces that would be funny if the situation was not so messed up. 

 

“Come on, we need to get out of here before the reinforcements arrive.” Said Dean once he had freed his brother. He would have helped Sam get up and wait for him, but as soon as he said it he was out the door. 

 

Sam moved his perplexed gaze towards the now empty door, then the body of the dead leviathan. He did not know what to make of this, was it true? Or was it just a lie to rile him up? And also, did Dean hear? Should he confront him about it? Talk about awkward conversations. 

 

He exited the police station from the back door and quickly made his way to the car, hoping that that’s where his brother had gone. Luckily yes, and as he approached the old vehicle, he saw Dean more than ready to take off. He opened the door without a word, and as soon as he closed it the wheels were speeding off towards their motel room.

 

Still not a word had passed between them when they parked in front of their room. Sam couldn’t stop turning the words over and over in his head, couldn’t make sense of it, what had the leviathan meant? He would give anything to have It make sense, and be true, if only it were true, if only Dean wanted him just like he…

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the driver’s door of the car closing with a big metallic bang. He could just guess Dean’s mood, closed off with a healthy dose of jerk. Well, at least he knew now, judging from his brother’s silence, that he had in fact heard the leviathan talk. Great, just great.

 

“I’m not gonna talk about it.” Was the first thing Dean said the moment Sam closed the motel door behind him. “There is nothing to talk about.” 

 

Dean had his hand on the bathroom door’s doorknob, head down and not facing Sam.

 

“Is it true?” Sam’s voice couldn’t be thinner if he intended it to. 

 

“What?” Dean’s had taken an angry edge. He couldn’t believe a fucking leviathan was going to make him talk about what had been buried for so long, he had thought he would never have to face up to it. If he played his cards right maybe Sam would back off, and this would just be a close, really fucking close, call. 

 

“Is it true? What the leviathan said?” Sam repeated with the same tone, as if to not spook a wild animal. 

 

Dean’s shoulders were hunched forward, his chin resting on his chest, his chest moving rapidly with the rhythm of this panting. He felt dizzy, exhausted, just like after a long run. His anger was melting into panic, he prayed for Sam to let it go, to chicken out, not want to address it directly, anything. “What did he say, Sam? What did you…”

 

“I think you know, Dean. I think you heard just as well as I did” Said Sam as he slowly approached his brother. Well, so much for wishing Sam would take the easy way out.

 

“Yeah.” The word was no more than a wisp of air coming out of Dean’s mouth. All the strength left him with it. 

 

“Yeah? Why didn’t you ever…” Sam’s wasn’t any louder, now standing just behind his brother’s back, one hand extended, wondering if it was ok to touch him, or not yet. 

 

“You were never supposed to know, you… you still aren’t…” 

 

“I think it’s too late for that huh?” Sam’s attempt at humor was left unappreciated. Dean’s “Yeah, I guess” carried a defeated tone. 

 

Sam’s did now how to tell his brother that he felt the same, that this thing they had together went both ways, that he wanted him too, even if he didn’t know exactly what Dean felt, his hope was flying high. Still he was insecure on how to approach it. 

 

“Hey, come on Dean. This isn’t a bad thing. I, um..., I…” Sam got stuck there, unable to continue, chocked up on how to confess his feelings to his brother. He deserved the truth too, if he had been stripped bare, he could do nothing but try to be honest with him too. 

 

Sam kept licking his lips, trying to find the words to say what had been in his head since forever. The hand that had been up in the air until now descended and settled over Deans right shoulder. His words weren’t coming past his lips, but he began gripping Dean harder as he found it more difficult to put his thoughts in order. 

 

“I… Dean, I do, umm… also, you know, umm…” Sam was just about to give up trying, his lack of eloquence embarrassing him. But Dean put his left hand over Sam’s on his shoulder, first lightly, hesitantly, then grabbing hard in return. “Yeah” Breathed Sam in a silent laugh. He leaned his forehead on the back on Dean’s neck. 

 

They both had their eyes closed, silent in the dark motel room. Their breathing had slowed down too, so it was barely noticeable, except for each other. They had no words, and fear of disrupting this moment kept them from trying to find them. Instead they communicated with their bodies. 

 

Still with his eyes closed, Dean lifted his head from his chest and slowly leaned it to Sam’s, his thumb caressing his brother’s knuckles. Shifting both their necks, tilting their heads just right, they rested against the other’s neck. Seeing as it was right in front of him and unable to stop himself, Sam placed a small press of lips to Dean’s neck.

 

“God, Sam” Breathed Dean, the sound pained, as if forced past his lips without his permission. His brother responded with an involuntary sigh over the recently kissed skin. “We shouldn’t be doing this. This is not what you…” 

 

“This is exactly what I want, Dean. This is what I’ve been wanting for so long I don’t even remember when it first started.” 

 

“What do you want, Sam? ‘Cause what I…” But he couldn’t end this sentence, his eyes shut even tighter trying to scape the moment of vulnerability. 

 

“What do you want? Tell me.” Sam pressed even harder, it seemed like up until now it had worked.

 

“I want you.” Breathed into Sam’s hair. “You’ve got me.” Reassured Sam.

 

“I want you to be mine… but nothing I want seems to last for long, so I’d rather keep you as we were before all this. And I’m so tired, Sam, of this job, of losing everyone I love. I cannot lose you too, I can’t.” His breath had gone ragged, his voice uneven, his hand around Sam’s on a death grip. 

 

Seeing his brother in turmoil, Sam turned him around fast and enveloped him in his arms. It seemed like too many things had passed between them, that they had gone through one too many things, one too many tragedies. 

 

Hugging his brother tighter than ever, he put his mouth right over the other’s ear and breathed his words like a promise, a bow. “You’ve got me, Dean, I am yours, have been for so long. You’re not letting me go, you’re never, ever, going to, you hear me? I am not either. I don’t know how it’s gonna play out, but we’re gonna give it a try, ok? We owe it to ourselves.” 

 

“I don’t know, Sam, I’m afraid you’ll turn into a complete sap, or a girl. No wait, you already are one.” Dean couldn’t resist to smile a little at the picture they were making. Two grown men, confessing their fluffy love for each other, clutching at the other as if they were drowning. But even if the tried to lighten the mood, his grip on his brother had not lessened. 

 

“Jerk” Laughed Sam. “Bitch” Returned the other without missing a beat. They lifted their heads simultaneously, without word, and opened their eyes now that they felt more like they could feel the ground under their feet. Both had evidence of tears on their eyes and faces, but a smile on their lips now, albeit a small, private one. 

 

“I’m gonna grab a shower now, then off to bed ok? I’m beat. You should get some sleep too, we’re leaving early tomorrow.” Dean disentangled himself from Sam, gave a last squeeze to his hand, and turned to the bathroom door. 

 

“I’m gonna sleep for a million years man, I don’t think you’re gonna be able to wake me up early tomorrow.” Shouted Sam so that his voice would carry through the bathroom door. What had happened today was so big it should have rocked the world out of it’s axis, but it somehow hadn’t. He did feel lighter though, like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. There was a lot to talk about still, and a long road to travel, but they had given their first step today, and he couldn’t help but feel hopeful. 

 

\--


End file.
